Baby 4

About 10 years ago, I met a great girl. She was a client that had contacted me out of the blue. We had no prior contact. Regardless, we became fast friends. I’m in an industry that requires caring. She is easy to care about.

My friend and I spent time together. We never really had a lot in common but we just “clicked”. She was a lot of fun, easy going, easy to be around, easy to laugh with.

I had friends who were perhaps closer to me or had known me longer by the time I got married, but for some reason I was compelled to have her as my matron of honor. She was the only person to stand up for me at my wedding. Several months later, I was the one who stood up for her at her wedding.

When she was expecting her first child, she asked me to be the child’s god parent. Not having children of my own, and not fully aware of the responsibilities of such a title, I declined. A decision I regret to this day. Her beautiful daughter was born at home almost 8 years ago. At that time, I believe only her husband and immediate family were present for the birth.

She became a mother. Rather, she became the mother she was meant to be. She really has always been a mother figure. She has chosen professions that require her to touch and care for others, and she does it beautifully.

When her eldest was a couple of years old, my friend became pregnant once again. This time, she wanted to have a different experience. For this birth we had a goddess party and included her daughter and several women whom my friend held dear. It was really amazing. It deepened our sisterhood. I was asked to be present at the birth of her second child. My friend knocked on my door the night before the birth and told me that she’d be having the baby in the morning. And she was right. The house was full of love and loving people who milled about quietly and helped one another out. I watched my friend as she endured her labor pains with grace. Once she was ready, she disrobed and lowered herself into the pool that we filled with water and placed in the living room. Her second, a son, was born within about 2 minutes.

One thing I must say about my friend is that she births beautifully. She knows her body and honors it. Her labors are short and her births are even shorter. It’s enviable.

As we prepared for the birth of her third child, we had another party for her. It was another opportunity for us to come together once again and bond before babe arrived. On the day of the birth, my friend stayed in bed until she knew her husband was done his important work for the day, as not to disrupt him. As soon as she knew he was finished the most important tasks of the day, she got out of bed and began laboring. This time, there were fewer guests. It was much quieter and more intimate than it had been before. Again, she labored for a short time and her third child, and second daughter was born.

I can see my friend’s house from my back yard. Regrettably, we don’t see each other very often. We have different lives; hers with 3 children and 1 on the way, mine with no children and a hectic work schedule.

I secretly hoped she would include me this time, but also had accepted that I really hadn’t been the type of friend ( a constant companion) who deserved to be at this birth. I thought it rude to ask or invite myself, so I just carried on with my life.

My friend emailed me last night and shared a dream she had the night before. In the dream she discovered that I wasn’t present at this birth and it made her incredibly sad. She emailed me to reach out and ask me to be there this time. It seems we both had the same concerns; we weren’t putting enough into our friendship to warrant the connection needed for this type of intimate adventure.

Once I dried my eyes, I responded and shared my feelings too. YES! I will be there. I will be there.

This morning, she sent me another email rejoicing in the fact that we agree. We are “sisters” and always will be. No matter the time or distance between us. Her children have bonded us forever.

This is a poem I wrote after the birth of her 3rd child….

Bridesmaid

Baby

Three