Order in the Court!

I've been meaning to blog about this subject for over a week, but really needed time to reflect before doing so.

It's about judgement. And the energy around it.

What brought this to the surface for me were 2 events, within 3 days. I was exposed to some pretty ugly energy, projected out of 2 different people, about people they hardly know.

Now, before I continue, I am admittedly a judgmental person. However, I think it is safe to say that I am more judgmental about people's actions, more-so than who they actually are. I really try to see where they are coming from before coming unglued about what they have done or said. That's not to say that I won't remove myself from the presence of people who are simply not good for me. I do always try to look for the best in people and really hope that I can build them up, whenever possible. I actually love myself more, and see my own beauty when I recognize it in someone else, and act on it.

On that note, I think that unfortunately, in these very specific cases that I was exposed to, the people holding the judgement and spreading the venom probably did so because they too saw something in another that they didn't like about themselves.

The first instance was at a well attended function, with many people who knew one another and many strangers. A woman I don't know very well was introduced to someone who I don't believe she knew prior. When I casually introduced them, the one woman muttered something incredibly derogatory about the other woman. I was floored. Absolutely.

First of all, I am a virtual stranger to the person making the comment. So, one would think that she had no knowledge of my connection to this person on the end of the insult. She could have been my sister, my best friend, my cousin. Now, she was none of those things, but I do consider her a friend. But that's not the only reason I was so offended. I was offended because the insult was waiting on the tip of the one woman's tongue....just looking for a victim. I think that no matter who she was introduced to, she would have had something just as rude to say about them. Then she made an offhand comment about me, which I brushed off, mostly because I didn't understand it, but also because I figured that this person didn't have much respect for me or others, so how valid is their opinion of me, really?

I made some decisions right then and there about who I would expose myself to, and boundaries about whose "channels" I would tune into.

I got to test out those boundaries 2 days later.

I was spending time with some incredibly good friends, a couple of whom I have travelled half way around the world with to vacation. So, you can assume we know each other quite well. My one girlfriend, after consuming some beverages of the alcoholic persuasion, started talking very loudly about a person we all have in common and rely on for some business ventures. This person and I are acquaintances and I hope to become friends with her. She is beautiful, kind, smart and talented. Someone I want to be around and learn from. My girlfriend HATES her. LOATHES her. DESPISES her. She feels this way because of one thing that the other woman may have done. And not to my friend. To no one, in fact. My girlfriend just doesn't agree with the suspected behaviour and can't move past it. Now, I got to hear all about it prior to meeting this lovely woman, and luckily I try to form my own opinion of people after spending time with them. My opinion of this woman is very high. She's wonderful, and many people would agree. I just kept my mouth shut because I was afraid that my defense of this other woman would sacrifice my friendship with my girlfriend. She really wanted all of us to agree that the other woman was a demon. Yet, when I looked at my girlfriend spewing venom about someone who is practically a stranger, the only demon I saw was my friend. I thought her head might spin around and pea soup would projectile out of her mouth. No kidding.

She didn't stop there. She also went on to criticize and bitch about someone else who she had only met one time, for 5 minutes. I sat there, feeling like my skin was full of barbs and needles and felt like I had to move out of the way of this incredible anger. I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. I told my friend that we were all sick of hearing this ( this topic of conversation arises everytime we are together) and that if she had a problem with this man, she should tell HIM. Throughout the conversation, my friend had something to say about absolutely everyone that came up in conversation. And if they were compliments, they were backhanded ones. I looked at her and said "That is some rolodex you have in your head. I'm afraid to know what you say about me when I'm not around". She didn't answer, mostly because she wasn't in listening mode. I think her only channel is the "me" channel. Sad to say, I avoided her for the rest of the weekend, and won't be spending much time with her in the future. I can see that she is insecure and that this is where the hate comes from. I will love her from a distance, but my energy field can't handle that constant negativity.

After this experience I really reflected on the times I have been the most judgmental. I am not perfect. I've made mistakes and I am sure I will continue to, but I hope to do so with a quick realization of why and how I can avoid it in the future. I've decided that I don't want to engage in gossip or drama, if at all possible. It isn't always possible to avoid drama ( especially because we are humans and there is a biological payback for it, if we don't catch it early ) but is it possible to avoid gossip.

I think ( and here's a judgement ) that people that verbally assault others behind their backs are afraid/threatened and don't like themselves (or something about themselves) very much. Disliking someone may also be a common thread or a way to make a connection with someone, (Women do this all the time) which is why women gossip. Now, we all gossip; we all make judgements and sometimes share them. Other times we keep them to ourselves. But I think that the judgements we make about others speak volumes about ourselves.

Isn't it time we kinder to ourselves? Therefore, kinder to others.

I sure as hell am going to try.