Hard Headed Woman

I am hard headed.
I am soft hearted.
I am incredibly inflexible when it comes to my convictions.
However, I've got your back.....

I am not sure what incident in my life, what characteristic about my birth order, birth sign or rising sign contributed to my stubbornness and sense of fairness/justice when it comes to other people. Especially those that I care for deeply, or love deeply.

I remember, years ago, someone much bigger and a few years older than me said something derogatory about my best friend at the time. I marched right up to her and demanded she explain herself AND apologize publicly to my friend. Inside I was shaking with fear, and adrenalin. I was not prepared to back down until she conceded. She was completely shocked at my attack, as she had only witnessed me as the person who complied, followed the rules and took insults and slights without incident. She complied. I felt vindicated.

Whenever I see someone being treated unfairly, something happens inside me. I feel compelled to act in that person's defense. And I do, if it is appropriate, and doesn't put me in harms' way. Interestingly enough, I do not defend myself in the same way. I am way more laid back when it comes to my own personal "justice". I must investigate that.....

I am also fierce when it comes to my friends and family. If you have fallen into my favor, you had better be prepared to be "loved-up" 100%. I am deeply passionate about my friends and family. If I love you, it is forever. We may have "hiccups" along the way, but chances are, we will come out of those challenges with a greater love and understanding than before.

I can be difficult to love back sometimes. I can be moody, headstrong and not the best communicator if I don't want to be. I call it "Playing hard to Want". Trust me, it's not you, it's me. :)

I do not have "a way with words" when it comes to speaking my mind in the "negative". If I feel a certain way about something, I usually save it up and it comes out sideways. This is something I definitely want and need to work on.

I do feel that I express myself beautifully when it is in the "positive". I can eloquently tell you how I feel about you. It's easy.

I want to work on the eloquence of speaking my mind beautifully, regardless of the thought....without the end result in sight; that of me being "right".

It is more important to me to be loving than "right" at this point in my life.

Imagine if the entire universe believed that too....

Tattoos

I have a few tattoos. But they are not the tattoos I am talking about here.

These tattoos are the "hearts" "hatred" "vulnerability" "passion" etc, that I wear on my sleeve.

I think that I am a very easy person to figure out. I am not always the most approachable, or even the most friendly sometimes, but I am easy to peg down. The reason is that I wear my heart on my sleeve. With reckless abandon.

I am a fiery person. I am born under the sign of Tiger, in the Chinese horoscope, with a Dragon rising sign. So, the rest is pretty easy to figure out. I am fierce. Fierce in my love for some, in my disdain for others, or in my convictions. It is hard to change my mind once I have decided how I feel.

I have had many wonderful experiences in my life, and I choose not to live my life with regret. Perhaps in the moment, from time to time, I will regret a decision or an action, but after awhile I realize that in that moment I did exactly what needed to happen in order to shape who I am.

I have loved deeply, and been hurt. I have also been loved deeply and been the "hurter". Yet, I feel so full of passion about all of my relationships; intimate, sexual, platonic, family, that any of the hurt that I have experienced heightens the journey for me. And, so does the returned love and passion.

I have weighed the risks of displaying my "tattoos" and this is what I have come up with;

To risk looking the fool for any type of love is to risk being fully exposed to the person whom you are shedding your love upon. You risk them not feeling the same. You risk them not reciprocating to your expectations. You risk being hurt. You risk being judged....

You also risk them seeing you, and loving you anyway.

I see the biggest risk as not taking the risk. By not being open, vulnerable and true, you run the risk of not knowing, not loving, not receiving.

And that is a risk I am not prepared to take.

Risk on.

Wear a short sleeved T-shirt from time to time.

Show those "tattoos"