Stupid? Girl

"You pretend you're high
You pretend you're bored
You pretend you're anything
Just to be adored
And what you need
Is what you get....

What drives you on
Can drive you mad
All you had you wasted....

Stupid Girl
Stupid Girl
Can't believe you fake it"


Lyrics from "Stupid Girl" - Garbage


I was laughing right out loud the other day reading some of the tweets that came across Twitter. When I wasn't laughing I was sliding down my chair wanting to hide under my desk. Anyone who watches "Curb your enthusiasm" would understand what I am saying. That "Oh my god, you didn't just say that out loud" kind of feeling. That "I am embarrassed for all other people in my species" kind of feeling.

As I was reading some of the tweets, a thought came to mind. "Why the hell so so many women act so STUPID and say such stupid things out loud, particularly to men?"

I thought maybe my bitchiness was creeping out again, but when I googled "Women acting Stupid" there were 568,000 such-related articles.

Don't get me wrong. I say some really provocative stuff in real life and in the Twitterverse, but I also don't do it with the idea of "manipulating" someone into liking me, or "begging" for attention. I own it. I don't profess to be perfect, in any way, but one thing I do avoid is dumbing myself down to get the attention or approval of someone from the opposite sex, or my own sex, for that matter.

Ladies; Come on. We have been bred to be leaders of our households, and many of us also own our own businesses or are leaders in some fashion in our lives. So, tell me, what is it that compels some of us to act so stupid?

I hadn't been the luckiest when it came to choosing friends in my life. I used to attract "projects" in both my platonic and romantic relationships. As I got older and more exhausted from these relationships, I also realized that I was a reflection of the company I kept. If I hung out with sluts, I was seen to be a slut. If I hung out with the ultra rich, people assumed that I was ultra rich. If I hung out with stupid people, I was seen to be stupid. To that effect, and for self preservation, I started to cull my relationships to include only people that bring out the best in me. That is why I avoid the "Stupid? Girl" at all costs.

I choose my friends in life based on very few, but very important criteria. The most important to me: Do Not Insult My Intelligence.

Look, it is fun to have a good time but let's look at where we fail as women....

The Cling-On

It's true, some guys are interested but pretend not to be. But not many. So, if you get the brush off, please do not continue to embarrass yourself by calling, emailing or tweeting stupid remarks that make you look like a 12 year old school girl. You are better than that. Guys are pretty black and white. I have found they like you or they don't. If they don't, they don't put in any effort. If they do like you, the effort they make, although subtle sometimes, is usually sincere and they make it obvious. Quit calling! We are not in grade 5 anymore. When a boy used to tug your hair back then it was because he didn't have the tools to express how he felt. As adults, we all have responsibilities and other interests. If a guy tells you to "shut up" or "fuck off", you should. He's got things to do. Leave him alone. And, do you want to hang out with someone who tells you to shut up? Think about it.

Faking It

So, you don't like sports. You don't like fast cars. You don't like fishing. Cool. Don't pretend you do just to get in with a guy. Contrary to popular belief, men are not stupid. They can sense when they are being "duped". What is wrong with saying "You know what, honey? I am not interested in watching golf with you. But enjoy it. We can talk about or do something we both enjoy, later" Instead of acting like you know or are "interested" in learning about it, when you clearly weren't before. Now, I am not opposed to couples doing things together that they both enjoy, or when a gal will get golf lessons to play with her boyfriend or husband, when it is SINCERE. Don't act like a damsel in distress when asking about things that don't interest you. It isn't cute. It's annoying. Go find your own hobby.

The Poacher

There are so many human beings on the planet. Your friend has met a guy she really likes? Don't act like an idiot and try to steal attention from her. It's incredibly rude, and once again, will make you look like the total idiot. All people appreciate attention, but lavishing inappropriate attention on your friend's love interest is just not okay. Go find your own love interest. If you are interesting in your own right, that shouldn't be too hard. On the other hand, if you are in fact, a "Stupid? Girl" I wish you the best of luck. I've also noticed that as we get older, female friendships are more valuable. Don't alienate yourself.

Too Much Information?

Your tattoo, piercings, sexual escapades and recent surgeries should be left for the privacy of an intimate conversation. Don't brag about your "tramp stamp", nipple piercing or other scars and post a picture for the entire world to see. Sure, show someone in private or send them an email. Your veiled attempt at attention seeking is obvious and embarrassing for others to watch. Showing your "stuff" to one person in the company of others is an obvious indication of your need for attention and acceptance.

I think it is safe to say that being mysterious has its perks. Why put it all on the table? You wouldn't pee with the door open while trying to court someone, would you? Keep some of your hidden and beautiful treasures to yourself. Share them only with people you trust.

It's "S-M-A-R-T" not "S-M-R-T"

I am going to give our species some credit. Most of us are intelligent. Incredibly so. We are capable of having sincere conversations or even suggestive conversations, without being too graphic, but while having fun. We are also capable of nurturing our own self esteem instead of begging for someone to fill a hole in our soul. Act in a matter you would want your daughter to act. Be a strong role model for the young women in your life.

Ironically, it also takes a lot more smarts to act stupid by design.

Save your brain cells.