More than a Grandma

My grandma was amazing. She grew up poor, went to University, became an accountant and operated her own business from a very young age, until just a few years before she passed away.

She was a very good friend to me. By the time I was in my 20's there was nothing we didn't share. 

She died almost 4 years ago. Decades of smoking and drinking took her toll on her body. Her mind was sharp until the day she died.

Often, and most recently yesterday, I felt the urge to call her and talk to her about what was going on for me. I even reached for the phone, out of habit. A huge sense of sadness waved over me when I remembered that she wasn't here anymore.

I wrote her the letter below when she was sick so she would remember me. My Mom and Aunt asked me to read it at her funeral.

More than A Grandma

Grandma N has meant the world to me. Some of my earliest memories are of me at her house in Saskatchewan. Those were some of my happiest times, too. That is where I learned the Old Dutch potato chip song - I would bounce up and down in my diapers. It's where I learned to pound on the piano, where I learned The Brothers Grimm, where I learned about farming, and where I learned that Grandma loved me so much that she put money in my birthday cakes!  I remember singing to the birds in the garden and having them sing back. Grandma and Grandpa help to raise me - I spent the first 12 summers of my life with them! I still love Saskatchewan and the beauty it possesses, but most of all what those summers represent to me.

I watched as Grandma would rise at 5 am and be to the office before the birds were up, and after working a full day, having dinner on the table for me and Grandpa. She was always kind and generous to my friends, and often more than patient with us all. 

I loved seeing her sit at the piano and play- no music to read from; she played by ear most often. Music made her so happy. I suppose that is why her and my Grandpa got along so famously. 

I am sure she was proud of all of her Grandchildren. Of the 5 of us, 4 are musically talented and all of us gained from her amazing business sense. We all benefited from her generosity, whether it was a gift of a piano ( for myself and my cousin L) or the example she led with regarding her own business.

When I got older (12) and thought I knew it all - I think I had discovered boys-I stopped going to my "second home" every summer. That did not mean I loved my Grandparents any less. I was so thrilled when she moved to my city after my Grandpa passed away. Nothing pleased her more than a visit from one of her children or grandchildren.

I remember in my teens; my Grandma was visiting and my mom, grandma and I were in the dining room. I asked if I could look at their hands. We discovered that we all had the same hands. The lines on our palms were almost identical. Whenever I look closely at my hands, I think of that amazing woman who helped shape me. I also think about her when I sing....her musical talent was one of her gifts to me....in the form of my singing voice and appreciation of music.

N. is more than a Grandma to me. She is one of my guardian angels, and more importantly, a treasured friend.  She would help me out of any bind, whether it be by listening or by helping me to solve a problem.  We grew closer over the years, often talking about things that Grandmas and Grand-daughters don't normally discuss.  She listened and shared with me many vulnerable things about herself with me.  We laughed and cried together on many occasions. I also appreciated the unconditional love she displayed for my mom throughout the years-helping her out many times while my mom struggled to raise me as a single parent.

I have grown to care about myself a great deal. I like who I have become. I know that in addition to my wonderful parents, Grandma was instrumental in who I have become. 

Grandma, you are my angel. I will always love you bushels and bushels.

Love, Lana