My friend Luke

I had a friend in high school. His name was Luke. He was one of my best friends.

I don't remember what class we had together or how we became friends, but Luke may be one of the most important men I will even have in my life.

When I entered high school, I was in a very serious relationship with my first real boyfriend. He and I had gone to middle school together and never spent a moment apart. Then we entered high school; Me at one school, him at another. We only lived 7 blocks apart but the highway between our houses dictated that we wouldn't attend the same high school. Half way into our first year, he broke up with me....and crushed my young, tender heart.

My friend Luke was there for me. For that break up and the several that took place after that. After high school we remained friends, visiting at his house and at my apartment, attending midnight mass together, going to nightclubs with our collective group of friends,  coaching eachother through the good things and the bad. One Christmas we were both single and hung out at his house pouting. We exchanged gifts and talked about our most recent breakups, and his family (who he was having problems with, at the time)  It was one of the sweetest Christmases I ever shared. It was quiet, honest, and innocent. One night at my apartment, he was lying on the floor, I was on the couch. It was late, and he was contemplating going home. I told him he was welcome to stay on my couch so he didn't have to drive. That started a conversation for us about boy/girl friendships. I never felt that Luke ever looked at me in a sexual way. We were close enough that I felt that I could ask him how he did feel. I wanted reassurance that this friendship was genuine and that I could trust him. I said "We have a really special relationship" and asked "Do you really think that girls and guys can be friends?" I wasn't fully prepared for his answer : "Well, I have girl friends that I want to sleep with and then girl friends like you". I nearly fell off the couch laughing, but couldn't help feeling a little bit undesirable, at the same time. You see, Luke was/is this tall, gorgeous model-esque Italian man ( a boy at that time ) yet I never looked at him that way. I always felt like he was my best friend, my confidante, a boy I could trust fully. I was kind of relieved that he answered that way, because he clarified that he treasured our relationship so much and would never want it to change.

I have continued to have very close male friends into my adult life. I am friends with almost all of my ex-boyfriends; very good friends, in fact. I get along with men. I understand them. I think.

I pride myself on knowing what makes me tick, and can usually figure other people's motives and reasons for the things they do, fairly quickly. I love to make people feel good, point out their good traits, and be a supportive friend whenever possible. This applies to all my friends; male and female.

Today, however, I had a discussion with a man I don't know very well about relationships. Same sex friendships, marriages, emotional affairs and opposite sex friendships.

I told  him that I have many male friends, and am emotionally close to a few of them. I admitted that I always felt that men and women could be friends. It was a good conversation but the outcome was interesting to me. And this is embarrassing to admit, because I really feel like I "get" people and that I am very "aware".

I told him that I always felt that the men I was friends with had the same motives ; to confide, listen and support. I hoped that men weren't friends with me ( or any woman ) with the underlying motive of wanting something from them. I looked at him for his comments, my eyes pleading for him not to say what I already, deep down, suspected. He told me "Unfortunately, most men do WANT something. They don't usually need any more friends. They usually hope something, emotionally or sexually, will happen with a female friend"

I suppose I knew that already, but to hear it from a married man who is not my friend, disheartened me. I thought I was the ONLY woman on the planet who had mastered the male/female friendship secret.

I won't take this "new" knowledge and change anything I have ever done regarding friendships. If I adore a friend, trust them, want to spend time with them, regardless of their sex, I will. I won't become jaded or suspicious. I just won't.

I love all of my friends. Deeply. I hope they know this.

I think Luke knows this. He should. He was the one who taught me about being a good friend. Period.

I have a friend in adulthood. His name is Luke. He is one of my best friends.

Twitter Stew - Entree

Last week, I lay in bed agonizing over the Appetizer, and the upcoming "Entree" of this trifecta blog post. I thought to myself "If I die in my sleep, my last blog post may be my legacy". I thought about deleting the entry. However, I have never been one to back down from a challenge, so I will carry on with what I started.

I asked my twitter friends for topics, and they "delivered". I think they were trying to call my bluff. Well, here I am, calling theirs.

Please clear your taster plates to make room for the

Entree

Buttsex

Garnished with Penis Trousers

Again, I apologize in advance. And, please......tip your waitresses.

One person that has been awaiting this topic is @KMsMama, as she is the one who suggested it. So, please blame her if you are unhappy. :P

What can be said about buttsex? Well, believe it or not, I recently had a rather lengthy conversation with a couple of my Real Life Twitter friends while out drinking with them in New York City. Imagine that: An alcohol induced conversation about buttsex. Shocking.

Imagine me and 2 brothers out for an innocent round of beers ( or two ) discussing music, movies, and relationships. Somehow (I'm going to guess the "somehow" was a whole bunch of beer) we got on the topic of buttsex ( in the straight sex sense).

You may or may not know this, but I am fairly outspoken. Not even the topic of anal sex can shut this girl up. Ewww.....calling it anal sex makes it real; let's stick with Buttsex.

I don't remember the entire conversation, but the gist of it went something like this:

B1: Yeah, so my girlfriend and I were thinking of taking it to another level.
Me and B2: Oh yeah? That's great! How do you propose to do that? ( I'm thinking a nice romantic getaway on a quiet beach)
B1: Well, she said she wanted to make me happy and I suggested we try some anal.
Me: No.
B1: Yes. *baffled look* Why not?
B2: *blank stare*
Me: Look. Anal ALWAYS sounds like a good idea. Sounds. Like.
Me: She loves you. She wants to make you happy. But lets' face it, early in a relationship either partner will agree to almost anything....
B2: *guzzling beer while looking scared* ( he had just introduced me to his brother not 30 minutes prior)
Me: But buttsex may not be the way to go if you want a long lasting relationship with this woman. UNLESS you both really want to do it. It changes your relationship forever.
B1: Oh. Hmmmmm.......well I think it sounds like fun.
Me: Yeah, having buttsex is fun for about as long as it's fun talking about. 5 minutes. That's all. Then what?
Why don't you just play with her butthole. That feels good for longer than 5 minutes. And then maybe she can do it TO YOU!
B1: *blank stare*
B2: *snickering*
B1, B2, Me : *pounded our beers*

That's all I have to say, folks. I don't want to further incriminate myself or those sitting at my table that night.


*information and opinions on buttsex gathered from anonymous sources. Honestly.
**the conversation as presented above may vary from what really happened, but it's close. I think.

Penis Trouser Garnish

So, @mom_md didn't think her contribution of "love/marriage" was enough. She sent me this post for my consideration.

And of course, I have a story about Penis Trousers! Go figure!

Some of you may have been reading my blog for awhile and may be familiar with my "Madge the Vadge" posts. Well, on that very same trip, I encountered, first hand, a real life penis trouser/penistrousers.

We were wrapping up a night of partying at Ceasar's Palace, walking through the lobby, when someone pointed out that our friend "Joe" had an "issue" in his pants. We all could not help but start laughing and trying to talk him "down" but telling him to think about his mom, grocery shopping, ANYTHING other than sex. Nope. No such luck. His issue was pretty "hard" for him to tackle.

This went on for some time, and all we could do was laugh at "Joe". In the meantime, "Joe" was becoming incredibly uncomfortable because now we were in the lit areas of the casino, he could not hide his issue in a dark nightclub.

I think "Madge" was still flashing her poont in the casino, so I grabbed "Joe" and suggested we get in the taxi queue.

We were in town during Halloween, so the long was understandably long.

I'm really not sure what substance aided "Joe" with his "issue" but we had some great giggles in line. I think "Joe" expired that night, long before his trousersnake.

Isabel Mastache may have thought she coined the fashion phenom that are her Penistrousers, but I think "Joe" may have reason to get some royalties.

Sssssssssssssss......................



I'm.So.Sorry.

Twitter Stew- Appetizer

I've been itching to blog but not really been "inspired" so today I polled my Twitter friends for blog topics and were given some to choose from. So, I chose them all.

*Therefore, what you are about to read is not my fault*

(Because of late submissions, these blog posts will be delivered like a meal : appetizer, entree, dessert)

On the menu is the following;

Appetizer
Some Negative Attention
A little love, a little marriage
A Plate of Nachos

Entree
Buttsex
Garnished with Penis Trousers

Dessert
A lil bit o' Sugar
5 Ring Sampler

This should be an interesting little "meal", or it may leave you wishing you never dined here. I really have no idea where this is going.

Also, I'm sorry in advance. So, so sorry.

The first portion of our appetizer is brought to you by @brknglassstudio’s tweet

Now, there's attention and then there's "negative" attention. I would venture to guess that most people in life relish in positive attention. However, many bask in attention that comes to them in direct opposition. Because @brknglassstudio knows me well, he would know that I am fascinated with why people do what they do, making this is a great topic for me.

I'm not a psychologist, but my feeling on negative attention is that some people simply don't feel they are worthy of praise and therefore will do something to get any kind of attention, at any cost. On the other hand, there are people who don't know how to respect other people's boundaries, or don't want to be forgotten about and therefore *poke* and *prod* others, "push their buttons" shall we say, in order to get the attention they so crave. It makes me sad to see this. We can identify it easily in children, but adults do it too. The fact is, there is a payoff to getting negative attention. In my opinion, the attention we crave, and subsequently get, reflects upon how we feel about ourselves, be it positive or negative.

Think of the girl who relentlessly pursues a guy that is simply not interested in her. He's not interested and has told her, so she makes up a story to get his attention and he further ignores her ( after paying a few minutes of attention to the "drama", of course) His further disregard for her enforces that negative feeling she has within herself, justifying her actions to welcome further negative attention from him and others. This usually carries on for some time; sometimes forever if the person seeking attention does not change their behavior.

Unfortunately, the "negative attention" seeker usually alienates themselves in the end because they simply lack the "tools" required to act in a way that respects other's boundaries and earns other's respect.

I could say so much more on this subject, but I really think we need to move on. Seriously ; we have Nachos and Buttsex to look forward to, for goodness sake!

But first, a taster, as presented by @mom_md’s tweet

Ah, ♫ love and marriage, love and marriage, goes together like a horse and ♫......ugh.

When she suggested love and marriage, my first (cynical) response was "those are 2 separate topics!" I was only half kidding.

After watching many married couples, young and old, I have realized, or rather proven to myself what I already knew ; Love and Marriage are not necessarily congruent.

Not to say that that recipe does not exist. It does. Absolutely. But not always.

I have no judgments about people choosing to marry. I've done it, too. I have come to terms with my reasons for getting married, and I am uncertain if I would ever do it again.

I think there are enough unmarried people in committed relationships that have incredibly worthwhile relationships. And in some cases, are more committed to the relationship than many married couples. Those who aren't married tend to be more independent in self and by being more well rounded, bring more to the relationship table. I often think that once people "tie the knot" (think about that term....tying the knot....if you tie a knot in something, where does the energy go? There is now a barrier for movement) they kind of take things for granted. And that is when love sometimes falls away. Sometimes.

I think it is important to establish balanced, loving, honest relationships, regardless of the "label" we put on them, and to love ourselves first and foremost so that we can love the other person in our relationships.

In my own experience, and watching my married/divorced friends, I have come to the conclusion that marriage is not really necessary. But love is.

And to round out the appetizers, we bring you Nachos, as suggested by @vojha

First of all, Nachos rule.

@vojha knows how much I adore the ‘cho, which is why he suggested I enlighten you.

I have had the pleasure of meeting and enjoying many nachos. I have eaten nachos in Canada. I have eaten nachos in the United States. I have eaten Nachos in Mexico.

There isn’t much to tell, other than I make the BEST nachos. No kidding.

The key to a good plate of nachos is the cheese. It’s important to have just enough- not too little and not too much. And for the love of cheese, never, ever overcook the cheese. Nor should you use "liquid" cheese. This is blasphemy! No nacho appetizer is complete without Jalapenos, fresh guacamole, salsa and sour cream. Oh, and did I mention the jalapenos? They are a FUN-daMENTAL ingredient.

What else can I say about Nachos?

I think one day, world peace will be solved over a plate of nachos.

And now, for the entree: Buttsex, as brought to you by @KMsMama.......

Haha, psyche! You'll have to wait for the next post......

Order in the Court!

I've been meaning to blog about this subject for over a week, but really needed time to reflect before doing so.

It's about judgement. And the energy around it.

What brought this to the surface for me were 2 events, within 3 days. I was exposed to some pretty ugly energy, projected out of 2 different people, about people they hardly know.

Now, before I continue, I am admittedly a judgmental person. However, I think it is safe to say that I am more judgmental about people's actions, more-so than who they actually are. I really try to see where they are coming from before coming unglued about what they have done or said. That's not to say that I won't remove myself from the presence of people who are simply not good for me. I do always try to look for the best in people and really hope that I can build them up, whenever possible. I actually love myself more, and see my own beauty when I recognize it in someone else, and act on it.

On that note, I think that unfortunately, in these very specific cases that I was exposed to, the people holding the judgement and spreading the venom probably did so because they too saw something in another that they didn't like about themselves.

The first instance was at a well attended function, with many people who knew one another and many strangers. A woman I don't know very well was introduced to someone who I don't believe she knew prior. When I casually introduced them, the one woman muttered something incredibly derogatory about the other woman. I was floored. Absolutely.

First of all, I am a virtual stranger to the person making the comment. So, one would think that she had no knowledge of my connection to this person on the end of the insult. She could have been my sister, my best friend, my cousin. Now, she was none of those things, but I do consider her a friend. But that's not the only reason I was so offended. I was offended because the insult was waiting on the tip of the one woman's tongue....just looking for a victim. I think that no matter who she was introduced to, she would have had something just as rude to say about them. Then she made an offhand comment about me, which I brushed off, mostly because I didn't understand it, but also because I figured that this person didn't have much respect for me or others, so how valid is their opinion of me, really?

I made some decisions right then and there about who I would expose myself to, and boundaries about whose "channels" I would tune into.

I got to test out those boundaries 2 days later.

I was spending time with some incredibly good friends, a couple of whom I have travelled half way around the world with to vacation. So, you can assume we know each other quite well. My one girlfriend, after consuming some beverages of the alcoholic persuasion, started talking very loudly about a person we all have in common and rely on for some business ventures. This person and I are acquaintances and I hope to become friends with her. She is beautiful, kind, smart and talented. Someone I want to be around and learn from. My girlfriend HATES her. LOATHES her. DESPISES her. She feels this way because of one thing that the other woman may have done. And not to my friend. To no one, in fact. My girlfriend just doesn't agree with the suspected behaviour and can't move past it. Now, I got to hear all about it prior to meeting this lovely woman, and luckily I try to form my own opinion of people after spending time with them. My opinion of this woman is very high. She's wonderful, and many people would agree. I just kept my mouth shut because I was afraid that my defense of this other woman would sacrifice my friendship with my girlfriend. She really wanted all of us to agree that the other woman was a demon. Yet, when I looked at my girlfriend spewing venom about someone who is practically a stranger, the only demon I saw was my friend. I thought her head might spin around and pea soup would projectile out of her mouth. No kidding.

She didn't stop there. She also went on to criticize and bitch about someone else who she had only met one time, for 5 minutes. I sat there, feeling like my skin was full of barbs and needles and felt like I had to move out of the way of this incredible anger. I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. I told my friend that we were all sick of hearing this ( this topic of conversation arises everytime we are together) and that if she had a problem with this man, she should tell HIM. Throughout the conversation, my friend had something to say about absolutely everyone that came up in conversation. And if they were compliments, they were backhanded ones. I looked at her and said "That is some rolodex you have in your head. I'm afraid to know what you say about me when I'm not around". She didn't answer, mostly because she wasn't in listening mode. I think her only channel is the "me" channel. Sad to say, I avoided her for the rest of the weekend, and won't be spending much time with her in the future. I can see that she is insecure and that this is where the hate comes from. I will love her from a distance, but my energy field can't handle that constant negativity.

After this experience I really reflected on the times I have been the most judgmental. I am not perfect. I've made mistakes and I am sure I will continue to, but I hope to do so with a quick realization of why and how I can avoid it in the future. I've decided that I don't want to engage in gossip or drama, if at all possible. It isn't always possible to avoid drama ( especially because we are humans and there is a biological payback for it, if we don't catch it early ) but is it possible to avoid gossip.

I think ( and here's a judgement ) that people that verbally assault others behind their backs are afraid/threatened and don't like themselves (or something about themselves) very much. Disliking someone may also be a common thread or a way to make a connection with someone, (Women do this all the time) which is why women gossip. Now, we all gossip; we all make judgements and sometimes share them. Other times we keep them to ourselves. But I think that the judgements we make about others speak volumes about ourselves.

Isn't it time we kinder to ourselves? Therefore, kinder to others.

I sure as hell am going to try.

Mirrors

Image credit : Jessica Walker

I spent the most exhilarating day on the ski hill today. Aside from the fresh, crisp mountain air, excellent conditions and almost perfect weather, my day was made even better because I spent it with a friend.

We all have acquaintances, and many people have lots of friends. I find it interesting that I have many acquaintances and only a few true friends.

The word "friend" is thrown around a lot, kind of like the word "love". We all are guilty of loving a band, loving a color, loving that person.....but do we really love that person or inanimate object? It's the same for the word "friend". It's so much easier to say "My friend, Julie....." than it is to say "My acquaintance, Julie", but what comes to mind when you use the word friend?

To me, a true friend of mine is someone who I can be absolutely, 100% real with. Those people are so hard to find. I'm very, very lucky to have about as many friends as I have fingers. Not that I don't want any more friends, but I really cherish the ones that I already have.

The friend I spent today with is the perfect example of people I want to surround myself with. We have an excellent chemistry. One that cannot be manufactured. We usually talk from the moment we get within sight of one another and don't stop until we say goodbye, but when we are quiet it's comfortable. We are both confident in ourselves and each other's company, that we don't have to fill every moment with incessant babble ( not that we don't anyway!) I may have as many true friends as I do fingers, but I have even less than that with whom I can bare my soul. I am very proud and want to be independent, manage my feelings, and be a big person all of the time. My few true friends make it easy to be vulnerable, and admit when I have ugly feelings or insecurities. That is because they understand me and where I am coming from. They also are not afraid to speak up when they feel I need a good talking to. They listen to, and most of all, hear what I have to say. So often, what needs to be heard is not even spoken. To hear the message is the secret language of friends.

My dearest friends are mirrors. They reflect back all of the things I like and dislike about myself. They reflect back to me when I am being ridiculous and help me to laugh at myself. They point out the blemishes and offer help on how to heal those sores. They show me that tears are okay, and cry with me. And most of all, they reflect all of the good qualities I have within myself, while amplifying all the good in themselves....helping me strive to be a more beautiful person.

A true friend, like a mirror, is non judgmental.....reflecting only the truth back at us. However, they often do it by making us take a really long look at ourselves, and by removing the filter that we so often place between ourselves and our own reflections. They also love us when we don't always like what we see when we look at ourselves.

So, tonight as I enjoy how alive my body feels today from the fresh air and exercise, I will also sit back and appreciate the wonderful friends I have in my life.

.....My mirrors.